Monday, January 31, 2011

The End of Me




When I awoke this morning, I was lying in bed and for whatever reason, I was very conscious of my breathing. In. Out. In. Out. Regular and vital. My thoughts turned to the fact that someday those breaths will cease. There will also be an end to the syncopated beating of my heart. My brain will no longer strive to understand and learn. I will be no more.

It was like being seared with a branding iron. Although it’s not the first time I’ve meditated on my own physical demise, it was the most piercing. I could feel the adrenaline course as my thoughts became focused on this reality. I want to call it grim, but is it?

I began to think about the possibilities, and there were only three. What if ME is all there is? When the moment of my end is, what if there is no more? That’s a weird thought that just doesn’t seem right. There must be some other reality beyond this one.


Then there was the thought that what if I don’t REALLY have clean hands and a pure heart in God’s sight? What if I open my eyes and the reality is that I have, through my own faulty living, thinking and doing, consigned myself to the bowels of the earth?


Have you ever been in a horrible situation-say a car accident or a bad fall? There is a point where you know you have lost control, and you are instantly facing the reality of your circumstance, yet not knowing the extent of the outcome? Thoughts race at lightning speed—and even the worst scenario plays out in your mind…and whatever you are about to face, there is absolutely nothing you can do to reverse what is happening.

That’s what it felt like this morning. Hell. ME being sent. That moment of knowing it was over with no hope. There is only profound fear and dread. Oh God, please! Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit in me! Forgive me for all my short-comings and give me the strength to live right in your sight!!!

There was one more scenario. I was running. All was light and good, warmth and peace. I was scooped up in the most loving arms imaginable and swung around like a small child in the arms of her Daddy! Such joy! Such amazing joy!


I believe with all my heart that there are only these two possible realities on the other side of this life. Only one of these two scenarios will play out when I close my eyes upon this earth. Today’s impromptu meditation solidified that in my heart. I desperately desire to run into the arms of my Father, look into His eyes, and tell Him how much I love and adore Him!

I’m sure some who read this will scoff, but listen. The bottom line is that every single one of us faces the exact same end. There are no exceptions. I challenge you. The next time you are alone, and it’s quiet, meditate on the reality of your own end for 60 seconds. What will the outcome be? What will you find when you close your eyes on this side—because you will close your eyes for the final time. It may be today, it may be sixty years from today. But it will be.

Will you hear the loving laughter of a Father welcoming His child home, or feel the dread and hopelessness of knowing it is far too late and you neglected that same Father in the life He gave you?

I didn’t plan to write this. It simply is because you are reading it. It is because you need to make a decision on this side of eternity. Choose this day who you will serve. And then live like you mean it! This life is brief-like a flower that blooms and is no more.


As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!

4 comments:

  1. Kathy, this brought me to tears.....thank you for posting such a timely message and so true! You were obedient to God and that is so awesome!!! I must share it too.
    Lee

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  2. Kathy, I think we all go through similar thoughts at times in our lives. Usually something triggers these thoughts. It's very profound. For me, when faced with the realization of the end of this body,I choose to hope in God. I choose to believe the promises found in the Word of God. Unfortunately, I'm quite sure He will not be pleased with everything I say or do. But this I do believe - He loves me and knows me and loves me anyway.

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  3. That was awesome Kathy! :) definitely desire to run into the arms of God! :) such a powerful message and so inspiring! :) God bless you more! Japhet

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  4. Awesome message Kathy. If its ok I will share. Mike

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